I wish I had a bestfriend...... ='c

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Current Mood

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dance dance!

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Thanks sa gift, BUDDY ko ah. =) *hug.. hmmmm!*

*

Pare.. 

Babay na..

Aalis ka na..

Babay na rin ba....

Sa'ting alaala....? ='c

[	Current Mood	|	embarrassed	]
[	Current Music	|	Ex-girlfriend | You-Know-What (?)	]

            The world has taken over me. I became too preoccupied with my own insignificant businesses that I didn’t even notice that the “leaves” of my family tree are detaching themselves voluntarily from its branches.

            I was too unaware slash ignorant of what’s happening around, and in an instant, I lost two of my most beloved people here on earth.

            Recently, we were so depressed because my grandfather had a mild stroke for the second time. I was even at a retreat then when I started to bawl to my classmates and tell them how sorry I am for him. I stuck into prayers for the fast recovery of my Papa, as we call him. And with God’s goodness, my prayers were answered. At that time, I know that God has given me a chance; a chance to prove Papa, and also Him, that he deserves to live. This opportunity was laid before me. And you know what I did? I COMPLETELY ignored it.

            ‘Til one day I got home, this horrible news struck me: PAPA HAS A HEMORRHAGE. He was found lying on the floor that morning, awake with eyes opened but was unable to move or shout just to ask for help. And so he was rushed to the hospital, and he stayed at the I.C.U. for his serious condition.

            That was the start of the CRISIS. Maybe God is punishing me for my disappointing irresponsibility, I thought. After some time, he eventually recuperated and was ready to go back home. But along came a miserable news that he is already bed-ridden.

HOPELESSNESS.

            October 23, 2005, around 4:00 in the morning – My mom is waking me up, and said the words “Si Papa!” in a panicking manner. I already know what she means. =’c After some process of checking the body done by the doctor, it was confirmed that Papa……

…Papa had lost the grip.

            No one would be able to calculate how regretful I am that I DID NOT DO what God expects me to do for that life He has given Papa;  for the life I asked for from Him. I admit that I didn’t use that time to take care of my grandfather. I barely visit him, and when I say barely, that may mean only once or twice in 2 to 3 weeks of stay in his room, or rather, his bed before he died.

            What’s worse is that I wasn’t able to do that when in fact WE LIVE IN THE SAME ROOF all my life. I don’t even know the reason why.  Perhaps, I hate seeing him like that. Or perhaps, it’s a shame that it might be indifference and lack of sympathy that prevents me from having just a sight of him, even just at mornings before I go to school. I STILL BELIEVE THAT PAPA HATES ME BECAUSE OF THAT, UNTIL NOW.  If only he could talk before he died, he would definitely shout at me and cry… cry for being so dismayed that I couldn’t even take care of him, when I know very well that he wants me to be the one to do that in return of what he did for me when I was still a kid. 

            You see, I shunned the idea of writing about this matter because I hate myself a lot. I HATE MYSELF A LOT. But when I found out that my great grandmother died, I said to myself, “Hey, they want to tell me something.”  

            Life, as we know it, is a God-given gift. A couple could reproduce life, but life in general is only from God and from Him alone. And as we all know, the time will come when each one of us will leave the mortal world and receive eternal happiness with the Lord. So we have to cherish every moment, every second of our lives. We must live each day as if it were last. Just like what Hitch said, “Live each day as if it were on purpose.” All these sound cliché, but these are what God really wants to instill in our minds. “It” may be done and over, but as long as we know we lived well, the ending may right away be filled with satisfaction.  

            Life may be short, but in a journey of joyful memories, the winding road might seem long and worthwhile after all.

And one more thing. Live life sensibly, before it is too late. =’c

I love you Papa and Mama. I always do.

I AM SORRY.

[	Current Mood	|	chipper	]
[	Current Music	|	pseudo | mayonnaise	]

~o~

hanggang kamustahan na lang. ='c parang akong "others" ah... =''''c

~o~

hayayayay..

Bading na bading si BADONG.

FEELER!!

"O, please naman pakitanggap mo na lang na ganyan ka pinanganak.

wag ka nang MAGPAPANGGAP na ikaw ay isang dalagang ubod ng ganda.

kahit na alam naman natin na ang karakas mo ay UBOD NG SAMA." *grr*

~o~

 this guy's in love with you, PARE.

Oops.

[	Current Mood	|	disappointed	]
[	Current Music	|	blue moon | ONL	]

 .^___^.

And then I read the next message…

“Sorry po.. wrong send. Sorry.”

???? Huh? Rewind.

I read the previous message again…

“***, ok ka na po ba? Nag-aalala lang po talaga ako. =’c I love you po! Mahal na mahal kita!”

OW. I didn’t realize at once that the name he usually calls her was written there.

Ewan ko lang ah.. Pero pakiramdam ko.. Siya ay NANANADYA.  =’’’’c

*…Ok, so he didn’t do it on purpose. FINE. But please try to be more careful next time because if I’m not mistaken I think  you’ve already sent me 5 or 6 messages which are actually for her… You know very well that we had a conflict about this issue.. and then.. you mistakably sent “that kind” of message to me? Sheesh. Ok na kami ngayon lalasunin pa utak ko =’c *

I know that it was my fault why there is already a gap between me and Pare. I cannot blame him if “it” changed. Or why “it” was lessened. I bet his “it” for me was diverted to… ahem.. HER. And wretchedly, she is someone close and.. err.. DEAR to me. Very.

Isn't it great? You don’t have to sing that stupid line that goes “sana.. dalawa ang puso ko..” anymore…

Because I bet you already know.

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Yehes! Nakapasa na ko sa Miriam College! (who wouldn't?.. um.. i mean.. almost everyone does.) Basta ang saya. Hindi na ko takot na wala akong mapapasukang iskool. :)

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*Ngunit isa lamang ang mananatiling totoo…*

Sa apat na sulok ng paaralang ito.. dahan-dahang sumibol aming pagkatao.. sa paglipas ng panahon, ‘di napannsin… di namalayang.. magtatapos na pala..

=’c

MUCH HAS BEEN SAID.

[	Current Mood	|	crushed	]
[	Current Music	|	scooter boiii | mojofly	]

Walkin' lost
Holdin' a cigarette
Nowhere to go
Thinkin' of you 'cause there's nothin' else to do
My mind is a waste and gets harder to start anew
Struggling with the thought
Still lyin' down with the same burden,   -_-"
I want this to change
I want this to go away
I'm still all by myself now with only a memory.........
Lyin' in a different bed
Feeling the past just haunting me
Hoh, flashes inside my mind
Over and over again, I feel insane..

Shattering moments make it hard to face the truth
Still you're there waitin' for something
Wantin' to feel still the same thought
Playin' inside your head making you breakdown and cry
Wake up, reality bites
Can't move, just slide down and crash
'Cause I am breakin' down

[	Current Mood	|	groggy	]
[	Current Music	|	say it | mojofly	]

( oi )

[	Current Mood	|	bored	]
[	Current Music	|	Cool Off | Session Road (para sayo to *******)	]

~All those pesky traits of yours -- like pride, egotism and conceit -- they could rear their ugly heads. Do what you can to hold them back. They won't help you at all, and they could even make a certain situation worse.~

So many things have been buggin' me out lately.. and I couldn't make even just ONE sensible post.

I hope this would be a successful one. I hope..

Yes, so I just turned 16 years old. Okay, I know I had the best birthday bash so far. (hahaha!!) I told you, I was gonna treat everybody a small meal (a burger and coke). I did, right? Although it was an "everything-is-so-small-and-fancy" party (what about "the make believe party"? hahaha!). A Yupi burger and a Yupi cola.. isn't it greaaat?? I was sorry to disappoint them but... I just want to have a fun party (with less expenses. beh! =Þ ) I only treated one person (Erika) a real meal.. and it was drawlots. Hihi. Oh well, I know it was a success. (WEH) c: I just hope they'd keep the souveneir I personally made (I slept really late) : a mini turtle made out of clay. =) (i love turtles..) Yeah, it's cute. Though... I didn't have one for myself =( Hmph.

Mtagal na yung birthday ko (0809) But I didn't have time to talk about it for some reason.. :)

Oh, heto na ang RETREAT..

Engk. Hindi ako magkukwento. Waha. Basta. Masaya. Masarap. Mapayapa. =) And it made me realize how blessed I am to be molded with Benedictine Values. (ohaaa) Kaya mag-s-St.Scho Mla. na talaga ako. Ü

I hate her. 
Do you know how i feel right now??? I feel obnoxious. I feel betrayed. I feel used. I feel really hideous. I feel like killing somebody... ngayon na.

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worried

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"WHAT IN THE WORLD..??"

Andaming problema. My Lolo's in the hospital. . .

Lord, give me strength. ='c

I'm already 16. And i finally got a phone after ayear or so.. <del>09224312279</del>

Pero wala akong karapatang magsaya.

[	Current Mood	|	morose	]
[	Current Music	|	Especially fior you | Kylie Minogue!!! =)	]

They say in life, there are wrong mistakes and right corrects. This is not another form of redundancy. You just come to think about it and the real meaning will come out.

~O~

Grabe, FINALLY!!, I can now relax, get a good sleep, reflect. So many things have been happening these days and they're giving me sleepless nights which gave me more time in studying for longtests instead. But like I said, there are uncertainties on my mind so I still cannot digest what I'm studying. It didn't help at all. Haha! (there was no point in there -_-" ). And this issue about mom  makes me feel really guilty. Plus, -pao- is.. I don't know. ='( I don't know how I feel. Random thoughts. Random feelings. i don't know what to do, besides, I think he's had it. See.. this is an example of a wrong mistake.

~O~

Mom: (Looking straight to the tv, BUT, is not watching.) Dadating ang araw na may babaguhin kang ugali mo. (About to say "Lalo na 'yung ugali mo at pakikisama sa ibang tao". [I know she wanted to say it but maybe she held it back.])
Lala: (Looking down. Almost crying. Thinking. Accepting.) Oo nga, siguro 'yun yung araw kung kailan wala nang natitirang tao sa buhay ko. Kung kailan huli na 'yung lahat. 'Yung wala nang tatanggap sa'kin ulet after all I've done. (I wanted to say "siyempre kaya nga 'learn from your mistakes' eh. Pano ka naman matutututo sa pagkakamali kung hindi ka pa nagkakamali?" BUT [again] I did not so I won't ruin the solemnity of the moment. I knew I would laugh if I say that. I was serious. So no time for nonsense things, YET. *_* ] )

And then I cried. 'Cause it IS happenning right now. I know, there is one person who hates me for being too.. ME. For being that person who will change something in her life someday, too late when nobody's there to witness that change anymore. ='< )

END IF.

~O~

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END IF

Yan lang natatandaan ko eh. Uyyy. Iniisip si sir. Ha-ha. Ladadidada~

~O~

Yeboi. I'm turning 16 soon. 10 days to go. Haah. Ang bilis ng panahon. Sweeter Sixteen. Uy.

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calm and... regretful.

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*this was taken the same day she...... went away..*

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED. *teary-eyed*